Entertaining tales by GH
MARY, from Grasscroft, had an approaching holiday and so decided to let her hairdresser give her the full treatment to set her up for her trip.
After settling her into the chair Andre, her trendy hair stylist, said: “Where are you off to?”
“Italy,” Mary said.
“You dousna want to go theer,” said Andre. “It’s full of pickpockets and Mafia types.”
“Well it’s Rome actually,” said Mary.
“Good ‘eavens,” said Andre “That’s worse! It’s a reet mucky place and everything is overpriced and third rate. Who are you travelling with?”
“JETFLY,” answered the now unsure Mary.
“Why ever for? They are the world’s most unreliable airline!” Andre blurted out. “If you do get there where are you staying?”
“At the Hotel Superbo,” Mary said.
“This gets worse,” Mary’s tormentor said. “It’s a scruffy unclean ruin and the food is uneatable! What do you intend trying to do if you survive so far?”
“Well,” said Mary, who was by now feeling very depressed, “We wanted to see the ancient buildings and possibly a trip to the Vatican.”
“You will be just wasting your time and money,” Andre said with a sneer. “The buildings are just ruins. If you get as far as the Vatican you will be in a crowd of thousands who all want to see the Sistine Chapel and the Pope but none of them will because the Chapel will be closed and the Pope if he does appear he will be so far away he will be the size of an ant.”
“Oh dear,” said Mary. “We have so been looking forward to this and we have already paid for it”.
Andre brushed Mary down and took payment for her hair. “Call it off and stay at home” was his parting shot as poor Mary.
Three weeks later Mary went in to the hairdressers.
“So you made it back then?” said Andre. “Don’t you wish you had called it off?”
“Certainly not,” Mary retorted. “The aircraft was brand new and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who looked after my every wish.
“The hotel had just reopened after a £5million refurbishment and the food was fabulous! We saw all the Roman Ruins and treasures which left us breathless and fascinated.
“The Italian people were happy and helpful and prices were more than fair. We went to the Vatican and listened to a lecture on Michael Angelo in the Sistine chapel, which was wonderful.
“And a priest asked if we would like to go with him and see the Pope! The Pope was a lovely man and he put his hands on my cheeks and said a few words to me.”
“What did he say?” asked Andre.
Mary replied, “He said ‘Mary, darling, who the hell made such a bloody mess of your hair?!”
