SADDLEWORTH CHATTER by GH
Contrary to what ‘townies’ might think, we Saddleworth folk do get around a bit.
Years ago a trip to Manchester or a day at Hollingworth Lake could be the highlight of the year.
However, one of our local modern intrepid travellers recently spent some time in China and stayed at a rather upmarket Hotel in Beijing.
A souvenir she bought back was the Hotel Brochure – very nicely produced but the translations into English would appear to be the work of a less than perfect translator.
She now keeps it to read whenever she feels a little depressed as it brings back pleasant memories as well as a smile. Here are a few of its delights:
Getting there: our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel the pleasure of passing water.
You will know when you are getting close to hotel because you will go round the bend. The manager will await for you in the entrance hall. He always likes to have personal intercourse with all our new guests.
This is a family hotel so children are very welcome. We are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly-skilled nurses are available in the evenings in order to put down your children.
Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar as they expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organise social games so that no guest is left to play with themself.
The Restaurant: our menus have been chosen to be ordinary and unexciting and at dinner our quartet will circulate from table to table and fiddle with you.
Your Room: every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter every room is on heat. Every room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity.
Your Bed: your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have further ideas please ring for the chambermaid, please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked she will also squeeze your trousers.
When you leave us at the end of your holiday you will have no hope as you struggle to forget us.
