Saddleworth Dementia Friends’ Champion, Helen Morris, shares some thoughts on dementia about ‘Comfort and Attachment’
MAINTAINING THE psychological comfort of a person living with dementia can bring you to the horns of a real dilemma.
I’ll start by describing a real situation where my friend ‘Alex’ had a wonderful time with me one frosty Sunday morning in a local pub. This pub has not changed since she came ‘cob-coaling’aged 13 and she relived the memories with the landlord who kindly let us in early to enjoy aroaring fire. It was a fabulous morning of reminiscence, laughter and warmth.
A few weeks later Alex told me about a wonderful morning at a local pub with her daughter and described our shared event. I was untrained at that time and corrected her and I think I was also‘claiming’ her experience for myself! This deeply perplexed Alex and upset her memories.
Now when she mentions it I encourage her memories, not mine, and would not think of correcting her. What difference does it make and how great she now attributes this experience to a wonderful time with her own daughter. I’m proud she must have been so relaxed.
The point I am making is that the factual accuracy is less important than her fond memory.
In dementia care terms this is called ‘attachment’ and it is providing that delicate connection between the situation someone experiences and what we would claim as ‘reality’.
Provided no harm will come as a consequence of remembering things differently then why upset those contented thoughts? After all, memory is notoriously fickle. Whatever I recall of a shared experience would be different from you. We must never deliberately deceive but we should bewilling to enter another’s version of events and keep the faith.
In these columns, we’ve covered the five key points of dementia care: ensuring inclusion,occupation, identity, comfort and attachment. Learning these skills now will make our Saddleworth social environment more dementia friendly and may help us all as we live our longer lives.
Next year I will consider the key points of being a Dementia Friend; and now I have some personal news to share. I have been appointed the Services Manager working for the Alzheimer’s Society to help develop six areas in Greater Manchester as Dementia Friendly Communities. I am so thrilled and hope to be working in this area – more information soon. Meanwhile I am still looking for guest speaker spots so please recommend me if you can.
For details of local Dementia Friends Sessions please visit http://www.close-communications.com/dementia-friends
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