By GH
ELSIE AND Bert are a Saddleworth couple who were born and bred in Greenfield.
Having reached their 20th wedding anniversary they decided to have a holiday of a lifetime to celebrate the occasion.
After much deliberation and scouring of brochures it was decided to visit Rome with a short stopover in Rheims on their return journey,
The holiday was booked and the great day arrived and after a very long coach journey they found themselves in the ‘Eternal City’.
After breakfast on the first day they asked at the hotel desk for suggestions where they should visit. At the top of the list was suggested that a visit to the Vatican would be very enjoyable.
“That sounds great” said Elsie, and the hotel arranged a taxi for them. On arrival they joined the queue of fellow tourists and were led through a series of awesome rooms and chapels until they finally arrived in the Sistine Chapel.
Elsie and Bert were overcome by the beauty and magnificence of this jewel of the Vatican, but as they were ushered out to continue their tour Bert noticed a beautifully decorated alcove in the wall covered by a gold and purple curtain.
Unable to resist this find, Bert peeked behind the curtain and saw a Golden Telephone. At this moment a passing priest said “No Senor, private!”
“What is it for?” asked the curious Bert.
“It is a direct line to Heaven and God,” replied the priest.
“Can anyone use it?” asked Bert.
“No Senor,” said the priest, “Only the POPE. And I must tell you that it costs 1,000 euros a minute.”
“Blimey,” said Bert, “We will just have stick to praying.”
The Priest told Bert and Elsie these phones could be found in just a few high religious places in the world and if indeed they were going home via Rheims they might have one in the cathedral there.
The next morning Elsie and Bert left Rome and boarded the coach for the next stage of their holiday, and after another long journey they arrived in Rheims. After booking in their hotel they made a beeline for the magnificent cathedral.
They sought out a guide and asked if they also had a phone line direct to Heaven. The guide confirmed they indeed did have a hot line to Heaven but added that it was very seldom used because, similar to Rome, this also cost 1000 euros per minute.
Thanking their guide Elsie and Bert wandered around enjoying the cathedrals many treasures before returning to the hotel and packing for the return home.
They arrived back in Greenfield safely and they decided that on Sunday they would go Saddleworth Church where they had been married all those years before.
After the service as they left the church they waylaid the Vicar, who at that time was the Rev John Sykes, and recounted their holidays and told him of the telephones and their ability to talk direct to Heaven.
“You did not need to go all that way,” said Vicar John, “We have one in this Church as well!”
The Vicar led them to a discreet cupboard near the organ and opened the door and sure enough there was a phone, not in gold this time but a more practical black.
“Does it cost a lot to use this one,” asked Elsie.
“Not really” said Vicar John, “It’s 50p for five minutes.”
“Why is it so cheap compared with Rome and Rheims,” she asked.
“Well,” said the Vicar, “You are now in Yorkshire, so Heaven is just a ‘local’ call!”
Have you got an amusing or unusual story or anecdote about your village? Let us know – email Aimee at aimee@saddind.co.uk or ring her on 07960 123879.
